Ice wall
by HitTheRoad
Summary: Lucy just wants to break the wall that was built between her and her brother. EdLu. Movie version. No flames.
1. Aloof

**Author's note: **If you are against dangerous, forbidden things, then get out of here.

If not, stay. It's not as simple as I described in the previous sentence, but you get the idea…

No flames aloud.

It's my story, my imagination and you have no right to insult it. Although you have a right to correct it and give me a piece of advice, or even a nice, pleasant review, if you like.

I don't agree with incest, but fictional incest is interesting, at least to me.

And don't bother contradicting anything I say, in this short paragraph. It's a waste of time.

**Warning:** Incest. Rated M. NC-17.

Oh, and by the way, I'm not a fluent English speaker, so you might find some grammar errors.

They might be a little OOC. I mean, they will not be the innocent, well-intentioned kids the book describes.

Summary: Lucy just wants to break the wall that was built between her and her brother.

…

She can't say she gets along with her older brother. In fact, they don't even talk too much. When they were children, he had this habit of getting behind her back and scaring her, whenever Peter or Susan weren't with them to scold him. She jumped like a frightened deer and bit her lower lip, while he was laughing in her face, proud of his action, like he had just won a prize.

Later he betrayed them and he returned ashamed, full of remorse. They became kings and queens and he has never been the same.

He is respectful and polite. He often laughs and smiles. But he doesn't tease her, like he used to. He doesn't push her around and doesn't make sarcastic affirmations about her. He has become the perfect older brother. He treats her like they are almost strangers, not brother and sister. Even Peter is more laid-back than he is.

She believes that he is still feeling guilty about what he has done. That must be the cause of his behavior. He is too perfect and she doesn't like him that way. This role fits Peter, not him.

She likes the witty, mischievous Edmund. She likes him when he's being mean to her. She likes him when he mocks her or makes fun of her because she is too sensitive or naïve. She walks on the corridors and passes near him, but he doesn't make an ironic comment. He just nods at her and keeps walking. Because, for him, she is just another queen that must be respected. Like she is not his sister and he must not act like he is her brother. Like he is not familiar with her.

At dinner, he jokes with Peter, he praises their oldest brother with slaps on his back, like the two best friends they are. He listens to Susan and makes conversation with her about different matters. But he doesn't speak to her more than it's necessary. He greets her, asks her about her wellbeing and courteously replies when she asks him about his.

And Lucy wonders if she has done something wrong. She knows she hasn't. But his avoidance is there, written all over him and it hurts her. If she forgave him, then why does he still act like this?

Eight years have passed since their arrival in Narnia and Edmund isn't used to her, after his treachery. He has gotten used to Peter and Susan, but not to her.

They travel in other lands and Lucy is courted by lords, knights and kings. Susan is ecstatic about it, Peter smiles and gives his consent. Edmund doesn't say anything. He watches silent as she takes their hands and dances with men who desire her. All Lucy thinks about is him. She wants to see his reaction, she wants to receive his consent, just like she receives Peter's. She wants him to be happy for her. And to show it, just like Susan does.

Because he is her brother too, and she needs him to act like one.

She is aware that it's not healthy to think about the same thing, day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute, but she can't help it. She is becoming obsessed and it weakens her, it makes her ill. Nobody notices her strange preoccupation. She doesn't let them see it. She hides it and guards it with all her inner strength. Although, not for long.

The first who observes is her sister. The two of them are admiring Cair Paravel's splendid gardens. If Lucy didn't know any better, she would think that all the flowers in the world grow there, from the fragile lavender and the sweetened rose to the wild bramble. It's a piece of paradise.

"Something on your mind, Luce?" Susan asks worriedly, flipping her long, black hair. She studies the younger girl and realizes she looks like a ghost. Her pale skin is whiter than ever and blue circles adorn it, under her eyes. Lucy sighs and looks down, not knowing how to share her thoughts with Susan.

"It's Edmund." The Valiant Queen replies. Susan raises her eyes, sparkling with interest. "I don't even know him anymore, Su." Lucy complains, adopting a pained expression. "If he and I were not getting along before, now it's even worse. He's really cold and distant."

Susan furrows her brow, confused.

"What are you talking about? His behavior is completely normal."

Lucy inhales deeply and flickers her eyes to the pavement.

"He acts normally around you and Peter. But not around me. In the last eight years we never had a conversation longer than five sentences. When we meet, we just greet each other and that's it. We have estranged from each other." She holds her sister's gaze, mirroring her image. They are so different, yet so much alike.

The dark-haired sister widens her eyes, taken aback. Lucy's words surprise her more than anything.

"You must be joking." Susan says quietly. "I was aware of the fact that the two of you don't interact very much, but I didn't know it was that bad."

"It is." Lucy whispers sad.

Susan furrows her brow and purses her lips, meditative.

"This will not remain unresolved, Luce." She assures her, caressing Lucy's long, fair hair. "I promise you that I will talk to Ed. You are going to spend more time together from now on."

Lucy jumps, startled, and shakes her head, quickly, pleading Susan.

"No, don't do it! He will be mad at me!"

But her sister laughs, careless.

"Why would he be? He is your brother and it's his responsibility to take care of you. And to talk to you like a good, older sibling."

…

Lucy knew that she shouldn't have let Susan do it. It's already too late. Her brother's dark eyes fix her with an intensity that makes her shiver. A feeling reminiscent to a cold finger trails down her spine. They stare at each other for a few moments, before Lucy opens her mouth to speak.

"So…"

"What did you tell Susan?" His grave voice suddenly cuts through her high one. It echoes in the silent room. Lucy trembles a little, but she tries to maintain her calm.

"I-I have told her that you do not speak to me." Lucy replies unsure.

His eyes narrow slightly and the corners of his mouth curve upward in a smirk. Lucy exhales in relief. He isn't mad at her. In fact, he actually smiles. Soon, she founds herself returning his smile. His _lovely _smile.

"I thought you were going to be furious."

"Why?" Edmund asks.

Lucy fidgets, avoiding his powerful gaze.

"Because I seem to have a short temper?" He continues, looking at her in a frightening way. Or maybe only she believes it's frightening. Maybe she's just afraid of him.

"Yes. You seem to have a short a temper." Lucy murmurs. He snorts, apparently amused by her hesitation.

"You're not sure about your statement."

Lucy raises her head and blinks, uncertain how to react at his comeback. What is he trying to get at? Edmund doesn't wait for her answer. He nods at his younger sister and makes a gesture with his hand, indicating the door.

"Shall we go for a walk? We don't want to disappoint Peter and Susan when they will ask us if we make improvements with our relationship."

She feels slightly hurt. So, after all, he doesn't care if they become closer. Everything is for Peter and Susan. Lucy agrees and follows him on the obscure corridors. The night's black-bluish veil is already covering the sky.

…

They haven't made any improvement. They trick Peter and Susan and try to appear close to each other, but reality can not be further from the truth. They still take long walks together, in the evenings, but silence is heavy.

They cannot bring back those eight years they have lost.

…

Author's note: So this is the first chapter. Don't worry, the fun part will come later. "Patience is a virtue."


	2. Target

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. Unfortunately.

Warning: incest. NC-17, later.

…

Lucy plays with her long, fair hair, while her brothers are fiercely battling with their swords. Their robes almost shine in the morning sun, a contrast between them and the dark-green grass that's lying beneath their feet.

Near her, Susan watches them fascinated, her breath steady, calm and collected as the gentle queen she is. Lucy knows her sister admires her older brother, Peter, and, at the same time, she is really proud of her younger one, Edmund.

Edmund, the brother who enthralls her and torments her. His quietness drives her insane, but she doesn't let them see it. Insanity is not a pleasant thing for mortals like them. Especially mortals who have an immense responsibility on their shoulders. Narnia, Heaven itself.

Peter blocks an attack from Edmund, raising the sword in front of his face like a shield. Edmund understands and realizes the small battle is over. He nods toward his brother, then turns his head and waves at the sisters that observe them, from the edge of the sunny field.

The dark-haired sister makes a few steps forward and hugs her brothers, exclaiming cheers for them. Lucy just laughs and congratulates them for their brilliant progress. She doesn't hug Peter. Because she would have to hug Edmund, too, and she can't. Not when the wall between them is so thick. He notices her caution, his dark eyes boring into her, making her slightly recoil, but he doesn't say anything. Not to her, at least.

Susan furrows her brow at the strange exchange of glances that takes place between her younger brother and sister. Peter just watches.

It's the sisters' turn to show their talents. Susan prepares her bow and shoots the first arrow very near the target, garnering praise and compliments from her brothers. She smiles and makes a motion with her hand, suggesting Lucy to prepare for the next move. Lucy lifts the arrow and tries to concentrate on the target. But she isn't able to see it. She's not even aware of what's going on around her. He is there, a few feet away, and his eyes pierce her like two dangerous, sharp needles. She feels the needles in her back, stinging her, paralyzing her, making her useless. He drains her power and her life. Her mind shuts down and becomes void of any thoughts. She forgets about everything, except him.

She can't do it. She isn't ready, because she is not good at archery; he will see that and he will not like her anymore. She will make a fool of herself. In fact, she is already a fool. Because she forgot he doesn't like her, anyway.

A pale hand gently grabs her shoulder, attracting her attention, and Lucy turns her head to meet Susan's scrutinizing stare. Then Lucy realizes that she is holding the arrow in the air and that she resembles a statue, standing there in the middle of the field, without moving.

Her sister waits for her to say something, even though Lucy believes there's nothing to say.

Lucy raises her head and looks at Edmund. He stands there, his arms crossed, eyes slightly narrowed, as he studies her movement. He isn't confused like Peter, who shakes his head and throws Susan a questioning gaze. Susan mouths something to him.

"Lucy? You must shoot the arrow." She talks worriedly.

"I can't!" Lucy exclaims, throwing the bow away. She bends her head and looks down, embarrassed.

Peter approaches, followed by Edmund, looking from one sister to the other.

"What's going on here?"

Silence envelops them, as each sibling waits for the other to give a reply. The first who speaks is Susan.

"Lucy, why can't you shoot the arrow? It's okay if you don't hit the target. You'll get better at it if you practice." She seeks her younger sister's eyes, but she can't find them. Lucy is still gazing at the grass.

Peter frowns and glances at Edmund, as if he expects something from him. Susan suddenly knows what's on Peter's mind. This is the perfect opportunity for Edmund to play his big brother role. They wait a few seconds, but nothing happens. Peter breaks the silence, training an incessant gaze on him.

"Maybe _Edmund_ can help you train, Luce." Peter enunciates, annoyance filling his voice, when Edmund throws him a short, surprised look. Lucy has the same reaction. She widens her eyes, caught unaware.

"It's not that I don't know how to shoot." Lucy quickly says, trying to change her older sibling's decision. "I can't right now." She stops for a moment, looking for the right words. "I-I'm not feeling very well."

But Peter doesn't seem to change his mind. Susan smiles.

"Don't worry, Lu, no one is going to laugh at you, because you're not prepared for a battle. You don't have to pretend that you are sick." She pats Lucy on her head, encouraging her.

"I'm not pretending!" Lucy retorts irritated. "I said the truth; I know how to shoot, but I am not feeling really well right now."

None of them says anything. Lucy can see worry clouding Peter's face for a moment. She sighs in relief, hoping that he believes her, but the moment is interrupted by _his_ voice.

"Okay."

They all look at Edmund, who shrugs.

"I will train her."

She is petrified. She sees how any sign of worry disappears from Peter's face, who returns to his previous decision, and how Susan radiates pure joy, because she thinks her younger siblings are getting along, again. But it's not true. She and Edmund are not close and they can't get any closer.

He can't help her practice, because he intimidates her and makes her lose her concentration. She doesn't need him there.

She needs him to go away.

"Brilliant!" Susan exclaims joyously.

Her heart beats too hard when Peter and Susan leave them alone and she doesn't understand why. She has been alone with him before. This is not a new situation and she wonders why it makes her feel so strange. She knows it's ridiculous to feel like that. It's ridiculous to be anxious and slightly frightened. She tries to ignore the way her heart lurches when he stares at her like that, like he's attempting to read her mind.

All of these thoughts bring a dawning realization and a new perception to Lucy's world, and suddenly forbidden emotions swirl through her entire being. She tries to remember that he is her brother, but her body tells her to forget.

Her heart tells her to forget that he is her brother, because the new emotions do not match the word _brother_. They have taken root in her very core and she has this awful feeling that if left alone, it might devour her whole, body and soul.

She shudders when he stretches his hand, grabs hers and guides it, willing to teach her the correct way to hold the bow. She starts trembling when he takes her other hand and shows her how to shoot the arrow.

That's all it takes. She is sure now what these feelings mean. She knows what they are and their nature.

And she hears her logic screaming profanities at these feelings. She sees words in front of her. Words like _wrong_ and _sinful_.

Her skin burns in the place he touches her and she steps away from him, trying to create space between them. She feels bad about leaving him behind to stare at her back, but it's too dangerous to be so close to him. She can't be close to him, especially now.

„I have to go." Lucy mumbles and she isn't sure if he heard her. It doesn't matter anymore, because he lets her go, without saying anything. She turns her head, for a moment, and looks at the target curiously.

The arrow is in the middle.

…

The first time she kisses someone, she feels repulsed and disgusted with the act, but mostly with herself.

Kings, queens, knights, maids and servants gather in the Grand Room to celebrate one of the most important events in Narnia. The Valiant Queen's seventeenth anniversary. Her sister is truly happy for her, because now she has the possibility to find a consort. But Lucy can't even think about it. She can't even grasp the possibility of finding a consort.

Her scalp aches from being pulled at by dozens of thin clips. Her hair is curled with hot irons, and then parted down the center and pinned off her face. Her earlobes peek out from underneath the glossy curtains of her hair. She feels ridiculous and can't even lounge properly for the bone in her corset jabs sharply into her ribs. She knows every man is staring at her and she has a strange sensation, like she is naked in front of everyone.

She doesn't know when the kiss happens exactly, but she is aware of somebody's hand between her shoulder blades at one point. She is dragged by him, until they reach one of her favorite places in the garden, right under the old, now covered in the night's shadows maple. She senses his lips over hers, but she can't react properly and she doesn't push him. She remains still, as she lets him kiss her, even though she doesn't respond. He stops kissing her and he looks at her, his face contorted with irritation and puzzlement.

And she notices that his eyes are not dark and that his hair is not black. She grimaces, feeling slightly ill, as he frowns, confused and offended by her reaction.

He asks her something. She doesn't hear him. All she thinks about is her betrayal to her brother, because she kisses another man. She knows this thought is irrational and scandalous, but to her, it isn't.

Her brother is there, in the palace, sitting on his throne, and she is here, with this stranger, who tries to lie with her. She turns around and runs, not caring what might happen if they find out she left her possible future consort.

Everything passes as if in a dream. She tries to find the Grand Room, as she pushes the guests, creating her way through the mass of people. They throw her annoyed looks at first, but change their expressions when they see she is the queen of Narnia. She doesn't even glance at them. She runs, until she finds the big, wooden doors that lead to the splendid combination of colorful dresses and elegant capes moving one after another in the torches' light that falls upon them.

In the Grand Room, the knights and maids' dance is enchanting. The first pair steps in front of the four thrones and bows, before the two young people face each other and start dancing slowly, then faster as the music changes its tonality. The other pairs follow their lead and, soon, the couples switch places, forming a rotating circle on the Grand Room's floor.

Lucy turns her head and gapes at her brothers and sister, who sit on the thrones, in all their splendor. Peter and Edmund are watching the dance entranced and Susan's look of triumph clearly shows her opinion about the ball.

Lucy's gaze lingers on the youngest brother and she studies him, as her heart starts pounding loudly in her chest.

As if he senses her there, he raises his eyes and sees her at the back of the room. Lucy jumps, startled, and quickly avoids his gaze, pretending to admire the parade. She carefully looks out of the corner of her eye and observes him, standing up and leaving Peter's side, and she is sure that he comes after her. This thought alarms her and makes her heart stop for a brief moment.

And then she spies something mingling casually with the party-goers. A dark green cape flashes in the gape between two people, near her, and a hand grabs her shoulder, turning her around.

She feels her legs slacken, when his eyes fix her with a burning intensity. His hand is still on her naked shoulder and it's the only thing she senses.

This is wrong. She has to get away from him. She tries to twist from his grip, but he holds her in place.

"Lucy, where have you been?" He inquires. "The parade is almost over. Susan is really upset about your absence."

She is frozen in her spot and she is aware that he expects her to say something, but her brain seems unresponsive. Edmund stands in front of her, his face emotionless. Her mouth forms an 'o', like a fish out of water, no words coming from it. When she finally decides to reply, it's the most inappropriate line she has ever said.

"Since when do you address to me?"

Surprise covers his face and he widens his eyes, backing away. Lucy flinches nervously and covers her mouth with her palm, her eyes flickering to the floor. Then she looks at him again, and notices that he isn't surprised anymore. He has a weird glint in his stare, as he studies her with patience.

"I'm sorry." Lucy mutters. "I didn't mean to-"

"No, you're right. It's quite strange, isn't it?" He asks, smiling bitterly. "That I came after you and not Peter or Susan."

They stare at each other, as people move around them, curiosity grazing their features, even though they cannot hear anything.

"In fact," Edmund continues," I didn't even want to come after you. Peter made me do it. Because he and Susan know we don't treat each other like siblings. More like…"

He pauses and Lucy feels a tight knot in her stomach.

"Strangers."

Lucy almost cries in frustration. She wants to slap him, because he says these things like they are the most normal things in the world. He speaks like their subject of conversation is weather or food.

"Of course, their attempts at getting us closer are useless. Not the way they want it."

She knows her eyes are watery and her face is red. She knows that she is crying in front of him, and she is infuriated, because she doesn't want him to see her like that.

"Why?" She whispers, pained. "Why did this happen?"

He raises his right hand and wipes her cheek.

"Because we are not meant to be brother and sister."


	3. Tender age

Disclaimer: My name is not C.S Lewis.

Warning: NC-17; brothersisterlove.

...

Every night she tries to fall asleep. Every night it's impossible. His face is in her mind and his words are in her ears, echoing, like a voice in a well. Since that night, his words have remained in her head, imprinted, and she can't get rid of them. Their relationship is colder now. They barely speak to each other. It's worse than ever. She can't even look at him without thinking inappropriate things.

Things a sister shouldn't think about a brother.

When the four of them go hunting in the woods, he helps her get on her horse. The only things she feels are his touch, his hand on her hand, his arm on her slim middle. She notices Peter and Susan's content expressions and she turns her head, in guilt, because she can't stand them.

She can't stand seeing her older brother and sister tricked by small gestures that carry wrong suggestions. They believe she and Edmund are sharing normal, sibling feelings, but it's not true. Not on her part, anyway.

He doesn't cease to surprise her. He acts like there is nothing wrong, like he doesn't realize the way she looks at him, even though he is the one who improperly touches her. He lets his arm rest on her back more than necessary. He briefly passes his fingers over her thigh or brushes past her. She seeks his gaze, trying to read him, trying to discover his motives, but his face is unreadable.

And that's all. Very few words, almost no communication, no understanding. Just touches. Wrong, strange touches that confuse and please her at the same time.

She doesn't know what's on his mind, although she is aware of the fact that he doesn't see her as his little sister anymore. She can't understand how this radical change took place in their lives. She doesn't even remember when she stopped seeing him as a brother. Perhaps their estrangement is the main reason. Their little interaction, his distant attitude and her fear of facing him. She is not sure.

She dreams about him and thinks about him, when he's not with her. She tries to glance at him, as many times as possible, without attracting attention and suspicion. She studies his actions, his facial movement, the way his dark eyes bore into her, exhilarating her.

And she wonders what she is going to do about this situation. It's a horrendous situation.

Because she can't be in love with her own brother.

...

One night she finds him practicing with his sword in the weapons' room. A torch is burning at the end of the room, near the spot where he rapidly swishes the sword, fast and secure. The light is dim and Lucy has a strange feeling, as if it plays tricks on her eyes. He doesn't know she is there, because she hides or that's what she thinks. For a moment.

"What are you doing?"

Lucy jumps a few inches in the air in surprise when he turns his head and looks straight at her. Her heart is about to explode in her chest.

"I was just…"

She mumbles, then stops, petrified, as he calmly approaches, fixing her.

"Nothing."

She turns to leave, but he catches her arm, in a tight clutch. It _almost_ hurts. They stare at each other for a few seconds, before Edmund draws her closer, making her face him fully. She thinks her head will blow to pieces.

"Are you spying on me, Lucy?" He narrows his eyes, suspicious, and tightens his grasp, making her furrow her brow.

"No. Why would I do that?"

Edmund tries to read her defying expression.

"I thought you would know better." He replies blankly. He releases her arm, turns around and starts practicing again, leaving Lucy there, wide-eyed. She waits for something, even though she doesn't know what. She fidgets and clears her throat, then tries to back away silently, but, before she makes a few steps, he is next to her again, with that strange look on his face that makes her quiver. She notices that he doesn't have his sword anymore. That means one thing. He is going to walk with her, which is quite surprising, since they haven't done this for a very long time.

"If you wanted to spend time in my company you should just have said so."

Lucy suddenly stops and throws him a skeptical look.

"What makes you think that?"

Edmund raises his eyebrows, but other than that, his face remains emotionless. She sighs in frustration.

"There is no need to be said. It's obvious. I know that you follow me around, Lucy, you don't have to pretend."

She feels her face starting to burn and seeks for an excuse rapidly.

"Of course we have to spend time in each other's company. Peter and Susan expect us to do it, but we didn't quite accomplish our task, did we?" Lucy almost snaps.

She's supposed to be calm. She intends to be calm and controlled, like a queen should be, but her words come out wrong. Her brother still stares at her in that infuriating manner.

"No, we didn't." Edmund states simply. "And I told you why."

"Well, you haven't been very specific!" She snarls and it takes both of them by surprise. Lucy covers her mouth, horrified by her sudden outburst, but, when she looks at him, he's not offended like she thought he would be. Instead, Edmund frowns. He gets closer and she makes a few steps backwards, although he closes the gap by walking forward again.

"I think I have been specific." He replies lowly, sending a chill right up her spine. "We both know that this isn't right, Lucy. You and I not talking to one another, you following me…" He pauses, "I am aware we have estranged from each other and that some unfortunate implications ensued from this."

She blinks several times, trying to process everything she's just heard.

"That's why we can't spend too much time together." He continues. Lucy observes that his eyes are darker than ever. "Because there can be serious consequences."

Lucy gazes at him, flustered.

"So, are you saying we have to avoid each other from now on?" She inquires restlessly. "Just because we…" She pauses and purses her lips.

She sees an unknown glint in his eyes, a glint that makes her feel uneasy and somewhat frightened and it catches her unaware.

_Just like their child selves. He often tormented and_ _intimidated__ her._

She looks at her feet and murmurs.

"I know it's wrong. But you're still my brother, Edmund." She raises her eyes and sees his wondering expression. "Brothers and sisters do not avoid each other."

He shakes his head.

"We are not like other brothers and sisters."

Lucy senses an ache and twists her features in indignation as he turns around and walks away.

She clenches her jaw, determined, shuts her conscience off and follows him.

...

What are all these conversations? What is their meaning? If someone else heard them, they would think they are crazy. Insane. Lucy wants to laugh, but then she would sound insane. She bites her lip as her gaze travels across the lines and now she wants to cry. Cry and laugh at the same time.

She is definitely insane.

The book makes her feel better in one twisted way or another, because now she knows that she's not the only one that horrible things happen to. That girl, the main character is in the same situation as her. As she reads, she widens her eyes and she feels like she's going to throw it away, to rip it apart, but she doesn't. She continues reading those dreadful, appalling words, while her hands are almost trembling.

_Incest is wrong. It's wrong. It's a sin and you are going to be punished. You will be burned alive for this. Your brother will be executed, as well. Because you both walked to the gates of Hell and back._

As she finishes the last page, she decides not to throw the book away. She just stares at the air, eyes empty, and listens to the deafening silence.

The story ends badly.

...

She laughs and her voice has probably touched a note that is too high, which makes her feel slightly embarrassed and a little scared of the fact that someone might realize she is faking it. Peter and Susan beam with happiness, they carry on their conversation and Edmund smirks from the other side of the table.

It's just… silly.

No matter how much she tries to get away from all this, no matter how many times she intends to forget about the awful situation, it always comes back in some form or another. Her nails dig deeply into her palms and she thinks her knuckles are white already, but she doesn't look at her hands, she doesn't want to, because then he would think she is afraid to face what is going on.

She is afraid, but she doesn't want him to know that.

"And then," Peter continues, chuckling, "Remember when Ed cut a big part of your ponytail, Luce, and you cried for hours until mum had to give him a punishment that would satisfy you; she made him wash the toilet!"

At this, he laughs so hard that the entire table shakes and Susan giggles, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. Lucy tries to grin, but she thinks it looks more like a grimace, then she turns her head to look at Edmund and she actually, genuinely smiles, after she sees his irritated expression. Peter always manages to provoke him.

When Edmund is about to retort, Susan interrupts them quickly and Lucy believes that, really, everything is against her, because her older sister says something that makes her want to bang her head on the table. Fortunately, she is a mannered queen, so she doesn't do it.

_Not yet_, her mind mutters bitterly.

"So, speaking of you two," Susan starts looking intently at her and Edmund, "How are things going?"

For a moment she has the impression that time has frozen, due to the fact that no one moves an inch. Lucy is sure that even their breathing has stopped and she senses a pressure on her chest, like an invisible entity that intends to crush her body. She observes Edmund in her peripheral vision, notices his hesitation and this weakens her inner strength even more. If Edmund is unsure about all this, Edmund, who is always down-to-earth, confident, an expert in getting away with everything, how is she going to face it? How is she going to answer such a simple question for Peter and Susan, but such a complicated one for them?

"It's good." She hears his reply, simple and clean.

She sighs in relief. So he hasn't lost his tricking ability, after all.

"As a matter of fact," Edmund carries on," Lucy and I finally settled our contention and now we get along just fine."

Both Susan and Peter smile and Lucy feels the invisible, crushing entity vanish. She feels free, but also somewhat disappointed by her older brother and sister's credulousness, which is a little out of the ordinary, because they usually don't believe Edmund so easily. Perhaps she has great role in this, since she doesn't deny anything he says.

Or more accurate… she doesn't deny his lies.

Guilt is starting to consume her insides and she tries to get rid of it. She tries not to think about it, because they have no other choice but to lie. She feels his eyes on her and she gazes at him discretely.

And that's when he does it. Again.

He raises his hand and it looks like he jokingly pats her hair, but Lucy feels it more like a caress, and she clearly sees Peter and Susan's _aww what a sweet moment between our younger siblings _expressions and her mind begins to scream at her again, all kinds of despicable words, because it's wrong on so many levels, but it feels really, really good at the same time. They both know what is the real meaning behind all these small gestures and, when she gapes at him again, she sees the shadow of a smirk, a really vague satisfaction, probably because these are the only moments when the touches can happen and not look wrong to anyone, except to them.

Because if he did that in private, they would both feel strange and awkward and… like he said, something bad would happen, something that neither of them could handle afterwards.

They are brother and sister and brothers and sisters are not afraid to touch each other; brothers and sisters are supposed to be affectionate with each other.

This thought gives her a sudden, crazy idea and she doesn't care what the others might believe. She wants to take him by surprise and confuse him, just like he always does to her, so she takes his hand from her hair and grasps it lovingly. Contentment fills her mind as he slightly widens his eyes at her bold action, so uncharacteristic of her, but he doesn't try to release his hand. They just continue to hold hands in front of Peter and Susan, who don't find anything inappropriate about it, for the reason that this is what two, normal siblings would do.

Even though she feels uneasy and almost trembles because she actually touches him, she doesn't let go either. He gripes her hand and they try to stare each other down, as if a silent battle is going on between them.

Because she wants to prove him that, no matter how unusual and startling the circumstances are, she is not afraid of showing him that she can still act like the affectionate little sister and that he is still her older brother.

_Just like when they were kids. He stole her toys, but she always tried to get them back by confronting him, despite that she was afraid._

"I'm glad you managed to solve your disagreement." Peter tells them and Lucy truly thinks this would be amusing, if she didn't have a conscience.

...


End file.
